Escapes for Shawnee

Right now I'm listening to soft music.  The kind I always do when my heart is sore.  Something about listening to music like that helps ease pain.  It creates a strange illusion that everything will turn out right.  It's hard to explain.  You know in movies when the character faces their emotional challenges in a room by themselves? There's always a sad song playing.  Everyone watching is cheering them on, hoping that they'll get through it in the end.  And they always do.  Maybe it makes me feel like I'm more important than I really am, but I like to imagine that everyone is cheering me on and that it will all turn out for the best, just like a movie.  It's also kind of nice to wallow in self pity for a few minutes and mull things over in a room by myself. 
 I also find that when I'm struggling emotionally I tend to read more.  I love joining the world that an author created for me.  It's often much more exciting than mine.  And the main character usually ends up super happy, which makes me feel like I will too.  Now don't get me wrong.  I don't only read when I'm upset.  I read other times too.  It's just such a good escape from the world when I'm struggling. 
Probably the best escape for me is the temple.  Today I got to go to the temple while my aunt and uncle get sealed to my little cousin. I couldn't watch the ceremony of course, but just knowing it was happening and seeing their smiling faces after they came out made me so happy.  It is such a sacred building and a blessing in my life.  I love the peace of mind and heart that can be found within it's consecrated walls.  Watching all the newlyweds walk out made my day.  I want to find a special someone who I can get sealed to in the temple just like them. 
Anyway, that's the end of my strange blog entry.

Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2

I guess I should probably explain why my blog is called Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2.  I have this not-so-secret dream to learn that song by Liszt.  It is one of the hardest piano pieces ever written.  Someday I will learn it. Someday.

Relationships

Over the past few days I've decided that dating stinks.  It's all a terrible game that you lose over and over again.  In order to win you have to find the perfect balance between communication and the lack thereof.  If you say too much then you lose your shot with who you'd hoped would be prince charming.  They could be scared away by the idea of committing to someone for once in their lives.  If you don't say enough, you can also lose your chance.  They might get the idea that you aren't interested or read too much into everything you do because your words don't say anything about what you're thinking.  It's hard to know what to say or what not to say in many situations.  Especially when you don't know how far the relationship can or should go.  This makes DTRs a pain in the behind.  If you can't decide on a relationship status, that can tear apart what could have been.  Could it really become more complicated? I think not.
Sometimes I just wish I was married so I didn't have to play the dating game anymore.